i think you’ve made my heart stronger, more solid, more alive. it doesn’t crumble in the rain anymore, it doesn’t sink when the anchor becomes too much to bare. i can face the worst parts of this life now, the desperation, and the fear that follows. i can face my parents when they struggle desperately, i can face the bills we can’t pay, the things i’ve said goodbye to. i can face anything, everything, as long as my heart is safe with yours.  you are the life saver keeping me from the bottomless sea. just don’t leave..

there’s this point, you see. the point of making sense, the point of planning a future. but what is the point? is it sharp? like a pencil fresh out of a 2.99 plastic sharpener? or is it dull? so mapped out right to the very second that each passing minute looses its appeal. is the point security? there’s no sleeping in cars when you’re married, no reason to starve when you don’t have college loans. there’s jobs for people who aren’t artists. the point is being sensible, the point is leaving what you love for what gives you a roof. you’re parents tell you there’s this point. 

but is the point worth it?  

i guess all i want to know is, where did adventure go? where did being nonsensical run off to? what happens if i don’t want a map? what happens if i reject this point?

i want to be incandescent. i want to shine, glow. i want to create light, be light, give light. i want my life, my art to be incandescent, like a star, shining for millions of years even after i’m gone. i don’t want to go out instaneously. i want to last forever in an artists world. i want to last forever in an artists mind. be their inspiration, their light, their anything. i want to be worth something after i’m gone. 

how does my name taste on your lips? like summertime? sweet tea? does it taste like a cup of coffee? does my name slip out? does it wrestle with the walls of your mouth? or do you say it loudly? proudly? does nothing else taste sweeter?

i guess i just wanted to know really, because..

well, because your name tastes like mountain air. it tastes like the lake at night. it tastes like chai tea, like blueberries. it tastes fresh and alive.

your name brings me to life.

you’re the summertime. you’re the heat lightening and the warm rain, the bright stars and cool nights. you’re the warm lakes and never ending daylight, the green grass and endless fireflies. you’re the boy i fell in love with in the midst of the night. you’re the warmest season. you’re the boy whose lips i kissed in moonlight. we watched the stars fade away and the sunrise. you lived with me in summertime. 

its winter time now. and winter has never been this hard. 

its left me cold. its stolen my heart and shipped it out to sea. its frozen you and its frozen me. 

its winter time now. and i’m dreaming of the next sunrise, of the next summertime.

2,542 miles

50 days

1,200 hours

72,000 minutes

4,320,000 seconds

math will do shit to your brain

and i think i love you, in a way i’ve never thought anything before. i’m thinking with my heart, my soul, my being. i’m thinking with the blood coursing through my veins, the electric spark traveling through my skin. i’m thinking with the butterflies in my stomach and an ache in my chest. i’m thinking new thoughts in new ways, and i don’t quite understand them yet. but i know they’re of you. and i think that’s all i need. 

girls are bitches. my friends are bitches. im just going to go crawl in a hole now and never make friends again because this shit isn’t worth it. 

it’s funny, everyone searches for a cure to the emptiness their whole life, looking everywhere for it. they’re always searching, but never finding. and the funny thing is, the cure surrounds us. it’s in us. emptiness is cured by us, by each other.